Long Break

It's been too long since I posted here. And much too long since I've attended a birth. My last client was had a beautiful baby girl in January. Unfortuntaly, my entire family, including myself, was sick with the flu. So, I missed it! Luckily, I had a backup who was able to attend the labor and birth and everything turned out wonderfully...for them. But, man, I was so bummed to have missed it.
In December, I attended the birth of a beautiful baby boy. What a treat this birth was! The parents were adorable and loving. Grandma was visiting from India to help with the new baby. She didn't speak much English, but we didn't have a hard time communicating at all. Dad was somewhat put-out because Mom preferred holding my hand to his. She'd ask for me if I walked away even for a moment. But Dad understood, and was always nearby for when she did reach for him. It was a wonderful birth.
My November client was not so lucky. More than a week before her due date, after an office visit with OB trying to scare her into inducing, and then a hospital visit with more scare tactics, Mom went home to wait for her labor to start, naturally. A few days later, she was back in the hospital with more scare tactics. Her baby was "too big" to fit through her pelvis, or so the OB said. What a load of crap. Why didn't they just let the poor woman out of the bed so she could move and open her pelvis? Instead, she was left laying on her back, squashing her pelvis, to push. The baby did get stuck, shoulder dystocia. Of course, there are other contributing factors to the whole situation. I won't go into them here. I'll just thank the Gods that the baby is alive and well. He does have some damage that will hopefully be repaired, but he is well and healthy.
This birth is the reason I have not sought out more clients. I'm afraid, I guess. What if this happens again? Or worse? It was a horrifying experience. I'm not sure I could do it again. I know it's irrational. I'm told that all doulas will go through similar experiences at some point. I just have to process it, and move on. Thankfully, NEIDA is hosting a workshop on traumatic birth this summer. I'm definitely going to make sure I'm there.
I think I'm ready to move on now. I've gotten a couple of inquiries lately. I will follow up with them and get back into the groove. I just need to give myself a kick in the pants and go to it.